I had surgery – A Laporoscopic Sleeve Gastrectomy.
85-90% of my stomach has been removed.
I tried so hard to ‘Love’ and embrace my ‘bigger’ body…..(for 22 years I have tried). Guys I really tried. But I just don’t love it, and I am sick of being the way I am. I don’t look in the mirror and see a healthy person (I see a happy, very loved person!) but not a healthy one. I don’t enjoy going out, I look at pictures of myself and unless it is just my face – I am revolted……harsh I know but I am being honest here.
I read every ‘Big and Proud’ type blog/article that I could find, the whole Love and Embrace your body and ‘curves’ thing which is so true and real and I know I should do all of this but I don’t. I know some larger people are healthy, But I however, am starting to show early signs of not being healthy. Elevated Cholesterol, constantly lethargic, increasingly sore knees and ankles…..
I talked about my weight endlessly with friends, I dieted, I tried to changed my ‘lifestyle’ instead of dieting (because you shouldn’t diet 🙄), over the years I took Xenical, Reductil, Duromine, I tried Herbalife, Isagenix, Healthy Mummy, I have tried ENDLESS amounts of diet pills. I have exercised regularly, eaten ‘healthily’ and do you know what ?
NOTHING. STUCK. EVER.
I always ended up back here where I currently am, uncomfortable and spilling out of my largest clothing. Now perhaps I just have crappy motivation, perhaps I always set myself up to fail with massively high expectations, perhaps I am just a failure when it comes to keeping myself at a healthy weight. Perhaps genetics and a combination of the above is the problem? I am not entirely sure However I am sure that I have a problem.
I know that so many people have stories to tell about people who have had surgery but I don’t want to hear your negative stories…….keep them to yourself. I know of as many success stories and I know surgery is a tool not a magic spell….. I KNOW ALL OF THIS. Believe me – I also KNOW that this option is a hard one. I am left able to consume only tiny amounts of food and I will always take supplementary vitamins and minerals, I have read all about the nausea, vomiting, reflux, dumping etc….. (and four days post surgery I have experienced it also!!) I am not walking in to this blind or ill informed. In fact I know a lot more about it than most people currently ………(and one would hope so too!)
This may come across as a bit negative…… I apologise if so! But I do have my guard up….. I am reluctant to tell even certain family members because I know what the reaction will be, instant negativity with comments and stories of failed surgery 🙄🤦🏻♀️.
I know that I have a journey ahead. I know it is going to be hard (yet marvellous!!!!) I am so looking forward to joining mindfulness courses and health retreats and just focusing on my health and not having to worry about all of the dangers of obesity (Obesity kills more people every year than smoking…….. we have a massive problem guys….). Heart disease, diabetes, and some cancers are all directly linked to obesity.
This new opportunity is huge, exciting, mind blowing and life changing. I could have spent another ten years mulling this over, getting larger and less healthy, but instead I am just doing it.
I am so thankful to have my husband by my side (who loves me for who I am and is supportive of me). I look forward to playing summer soccer with him and our friends in the coming years.
I am also very aware that I have a 14 year old daughter who is at the very ‘self aware’ stage of being a teenager, she isn’t silly, she hasn’t been hiding under a rock and she hasn’t escaped the fact that her mother didn’t like her body. She knows….. she is also the very lucky recipient of her fathers slim, athletic frame 🙌🏻 and she knows all about healthy choices and she is a super active teen. I have never told her she is anything other than perfect and it is true ! She happily posts photos of herself from time to time on her social media accounts and I know she has pretty awesome self esteem (in a nice way not in a snotty ‘up herself’ teenager kind of a way….) I will continue to build up my kids and never tear them down or comment on what she eats and what she does, provided she is happy and making good choices – I am happy 🙌🏻👏🏻
For those interested :
Pre op weight
ht – 162cms
BMI – 35.8 (Obese)
My Goal weight – 60-65kgs (post surgery it is very likely this will be where I end up) this puts me in the ‘healthy’ weight range for my height.
Now………I realise that BMI is ‘ridiculous’ to some people but it is a universal way to measure Body Mass. It really gripes me when people say, “You aren’t obese though!” “UMMMmmmm Actually I am!!!!!” Let’s use the word and not make it so taboo, one out of every 3 New Zealanders is obese, it is not uncommon.
Also I am doing this privately (I am not big enough to qualify for funded surgery) I understand it is rather a long and painful process to get funded surgery. Which is quite understandable considering the cost to the taxpayer 👌🏻
Also – the WLS waiting room isn’t a ‘first port of call’ for weight loss patients 😂 Most of us have tried many times unsuccessfully to loose weight before we consider the option of major surgery!
g_1884-1.jpg”> Peace out ✌🏻 Sue xxx